so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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