I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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