and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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