Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
