1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
