he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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