I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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