Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
