Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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