The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
