The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
