im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
