i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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