i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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