i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He shit in the fireplace
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
