Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize