....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
