I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
