When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
