Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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