I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
