Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize