I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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