Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
