is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
