she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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