Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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