Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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