Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
