I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
