the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
