the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
