okay pat passed out under dana's car
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
