Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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