Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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