She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
