Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
