woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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