i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
