If i come over, it means nothing
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
