Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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