3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
