He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
