At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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