Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
