Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
