I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
