So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
