shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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