He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
