he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
