i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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