I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
