There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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