I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
