my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
