omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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