remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
