I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
