Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
