He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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