Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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