just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
