im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
