never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
